All I did today is sleep, OMG what is wrong with me? One day I am up; the next day blah, I don’t think its depression, I just love to lay there and do nothing at all. Sheer laziness is what it is, no? This is my life, for some reason I just seem to give up on myself too often. The big question is what underlying deep belief is holding me back? Everyone keeps saying its my inner lack of worthiness. I just don’t get it, I think I am worthy of becoming “something”; I am worthy of having a fulfilling life; I am worthy of becoming wealthy & being happy, ain’t I? It has to be something burried deep down inside from my past but what is that? Hmmmmm, I just know that I hated my childhood because of my weight and being picked on in school. As kids picked on me, my self confidence deminished more and more. Then as I grew, I remember all I ever wanted was to find a guy to love me and have kids. Loving myself was never in that picture. I never felt worthy of love, simply because of my looks. I think I was looking for the love that lacked with my father and once I found someone I grasped him & didn’t let go. Well now he’s out of my life and that need for another’s love is gone. Now what I am searching for is My love for ME. I’m finding it, but it is a slow long journey. I always seem to take two steps forward & one step back.
Two Steps Forward/One Step Back